The Devil We Know
by LavenderGale
Summary: Arthur learns the truth about his mother and Uther's past BUT this time the confrontation ends in tragedy.  Now Uther is dying   Not by Arthur's hand  and Arthur blames himself.   Characters try to come to grips with their feelings for Uther.
1. The Crown falls

" _The king has a secret. Of course he does. What man on earth could have power over him if he did not?"__ -_"Were Owl" by Catharine Valiente

" _Didn't you say that you were different? Didn't you?" _

"_I am..I am."_

"_Then please say you're not this person…SAY IT!"_

"_I am! I AM!"_

"_Then tell me how to act dad, what to think, tell me why..everything you've told me_

_Every word has been a lie!"_ -Shiloh/Nathan "Repo The Genetic Opera"

**Note: I included these quotes because they were my inspiration. The first got me thinking about Uther's secrets and how they make him vulnerable, but also how they make him human.**

**Then I heard the next quote as part of a song between a Father and his Daughter who has just found out a terrible secret about him, one she thinks she cannot forgive. This musical conversation mixed in my head with Arthur and Uther's confrontation in the Merlin Episode " Sins of the father." So This fan fiction was born. Hope you like it. **

" YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A HYPOCRITE AND A LIAR!"

Arthur could feel the hatred seething through his veins, the sheer loathing of the man whose life he held at the tip of his sword blade. His father.

Uther's voice was calm, but Arthur could hear the fear, smell it. It made his hatred rise.

" Arthur…son…please.."

"No!" Arthur felt the blood throbbing in his temples as he pressed the sword point just a bit harder, watching as his father winced and squirmed. " No more talking, no more lies. That's all you do ! To me..to the people…to..to my mother."

" Arthur what happened to your mother…"

"Should not have happened! You made it happen! You traded her life for your power and then you blamed ME!"

The king was near to weeping now, Arthur felt a sour taste in his mouth and his stomach clenched with guilt he fought it down. Uther spoke pleadingly.

"No..Arthur no..I never blamed you…it wasn't like that. I loved your mother. I could never have done anything to hurt her! I didn't know..please believe me."

Arthur glared at him. " Why should I believe you? Tell me that father, why should I believe a single thing you say!"

The king went silent his head drooping forward, " I'm your father."

" Oh how I wish it weren't so…perhaps my mother was the lucky one."

Arthur lowered his sword, sheathing it viciously, " Don't worry I won't kill you…I'm not the murderer here."

As he turned to go Uther suddenly flew to his feet, anger in his eyes. " Don't you ever say that to me you ungrateful boy! Don't you understand? I learned my lesson! Everything I did I did to protect you!"

Arthur turned on him again, " Another lie! Don't you dare blame me for what you've done. Everything you did was to protect yourself, to get rid of your guilt. Is that how you help me father? By killing innocent people? Then never help me again!"

" I am not a murderer!"

" No..you're a coward. That's worse." Arthur turned to go

Uther was trembling with rage, " Arthur, you're my son. God knows I love you, but if you go out that door you are no son of mine!"

Arthur put his hand on the latch, hatred seething in him. " Then good bye…MY KING."

" ARTHUR!" Uther's voice was panicked, " Arthur, please, think about what you're doing…your killing me."

Arthur looked at him coldly, tears pricking at his eyes. " I wish you would die, at least then I'd be rid of your lies for good!"

Arthur opened the door and Uther's voice followed him, " Arthur…please!"

Slam!

Arthur stood on the other side of the door his body pressed against the wood, his chest heaving. Now that his anger was cooling he felt his sanity returning and with it a certain remorse. He wanted so badly to blot it out, he wanted to hate his father , he had a right, after all he'd done didn't his father deserve his hatred? But the truth was, even after ever thing Uther had done, Arthur loved him. Cursing he put his hand on the door handle. " Father, I…"

There was the sound of something heavy falling and the metallic clang of metal hitting stone. Arthur opened the door confused. " Father?"

To Arthur's surprise the throne stood empty, his eyes swept the room searching for the king. He felt a strange forboding creeping over him. " Father?" he called again. Then his eyes fell upon the small stone platform before the king's throne. The kings crown lay there and beside it, crumpled against the throne lay Uther.

" Father!"

Immediately all anger left Arthur, all he saw was the father of his child hood lying there before him broken and still. It terrified him.

Arthur ran to the king's side, falling to his knees beside him. His hands shook as he took him in his arms. Uther groaned and muttered something Arthur could not understand.

"Father what is it? What's wrong?"

" Arthur…please ..please don't leave me."

Arthur felt his heart break. " I'm not going anywhere, father. Lie still."

" I can't move…my skull is splitting." He grasped Arthur's arm like a drowning man. Arthur put his own hand over it.

"I'll send for Gaius…you'll be all right. GAURDS!"

Instantly the door flew open and two gaurds came in they stopped in shock at what they saw.

" Get the physician…hurry! Tell him the king is ill…go, now!"

As they hurried away Arthur turned back to the king, to his shock Uther began to cry. Arthur felt his own tears welling and he swallowed them down. " Father, don't…I'm here…it will be allright."

"You were right…I did kill your mother…it was my fault…all my fault."

" Father, please…forget that now…"

"Can you ever forgive me?"

Arthur felt his lips trembling. " I can never forgive what you've done father…"

At those words the king gasped in pain, " I've failed you."

"Father…"

But it was too late, Uther's eyes closed and he went limp in Arthur's arms. Arthur looked on in horror and grabbed for a pulse. He sighed with relief as he found one. He put his hand on his father's face , the tears fell freely now. " Father…no…can you hear me? That wasn't what I meant…I can't forgive what you've done…but I can forgive you! Can you hear me? I forgive you!" There was no response.

At that moment the door burst open and Gaius came in. Pushed away in the ensuing panic, Arthur found himself outside. Assuming he was alone, he put his face in his hands and cried.

"Arthur…I'm sorry."

Arthur jumped and turned to find Merlin standing a few feet away from him.

" Go away, Merlin."

"What happened?"

" Go AWAY, Merlin!"

Merlin was never very good at listening, " Arthur," he said insistently, " What happened?"

Arthur groaned, " I don't know. I didn't stab him if that's what you're worried about…but I might as well have."

" I don't understand."

" That doesn't surprise me…Merlin, please just go away."

Merlin walked a ways away, then he spoke over his shoulder. " Gaius will help him, you know him."

Arthur nodded absently. But as Merlin began to walk away he called after him. Merlin turned, " Yes, my lord?"

Arthur bowed his head, " Never mind." Merlin shrugged and started back to Gaius's chambers, Arthur watched him go forlornly. " It's a terrible thing being a prince." He thought, " No one can be strong all the time."


	2. Little Comfort

The light was turning dusky outside the palace windows, the church bells toned the hour lazily. Six. Six of the clock and things couldn't be worse.

Arthur paced rapidly before the door of Gaius's quarters. It had been nearly an hour since his father had been carried there and no word of what was happening had reached his ears. As he paced he tried not to think of his last words to his father…the last words the king had heard or thought he'd heard.

" _I cannot forgive what you've done father…"_

The image of his father's stricken look, his cry of pain, replayed in his mind like the pattern behind your eyes when you stare at the sun too long. It filled his every thought, his every emotion, there was no time for anger or resentment. If it still existed it didn't matter, all that mattered to Arthur now was that his father would live. Live to hear the words he'd meant to tell him. Live to know he still loved him.

Arthur turned his back to the door, leaning on a window sill staring out at the court yard below his eyes blank.

" _Oh God, Forgive me."_ he thought, _" I wanted him dead…I did. When I said it, I meant it…but now…now I would give my own life for him to live."_

Arthur turned his eyes to the darkening sky and felt a shudder pierce his heart. _" He was in perfect health. He was hardly sick a day in his life, until today. It was like my words struck him down."_ Arthur felt the tears sting his eyes, _" God in heaven, did I do this? If I did how am I any better than him?"_

All at once the door behind him creaked open, jarring Arthur from his thoughts. He turned to see Merlin sweaty browed and solemn faced emerging from the physician's room. As his eyes met his, Arthur felt his heart shrink. Finally he was able to speak through dry lips.

"How is he?"

" Arthur," began Merlin, " Arthur, I'm so sorry…"

Arthur 's heart pounded in his veins. Dread threatened to choke off his breath, to send him reeling. He reacted the only way he could and keep his pride. With anger.

"Don't you tell me he's dead, Merlin! Don't you say it!"

Merlin's face was immediately sympathetic, " Oh God, no! Arthur, no, he's not dead."

Arthur felt his senses return in a rush. " God in heaven, you scared me…what's happening Merlin?"

"Gaius could explain it better, but he told me to give it a go..so…"

Arthur fixed his eyes pleadingly on Merlin, " Merlin…what is wrong with my father?"

Merlin paused choosing his words when he spoke it was hesitant, careful as though he knew he was about to hurt Arthur and wanted it to be as little as possible. As though he could save him pain. As though he deserved it.

" The King had an old Injury…a war wound…"

" Yes, from the same battle that killed Morganna's father..I know..but that was years ago."

Merlin bowed his head and nodded, this was obviously hard for him, poor tender hearted Merlin. Arthur had to feel for him. Merlin swallowed.

" The wound caused a weakness in the veins beneath the skull….no one could have known it . But today, they burst and he started bleeding."

Arthur leaned back against the window sill breathing deeply, " So, you're saying my father is bleeding inside his head?"

Merlin nodded grimly. Arthur resisted the urge to punch the wall behind him with frustration. " And what does that mean?"

Merlin shuffled slightly, " The pressure from the blood was very bad. It was what caused his pain and collapse…the only way to relieve it was for Gaius to…" Merlin trailed off. Arthur waited his heart in his mouth.

" To what? Go on Merlin!"

" Gaius had to put a small hole in The king's skull to let the blood…"

Arthur threw up his hand, " Enough!" he paused recovering himself, " But the bleeding's stopped? Right? It helped?"

Merlin was slowly crumbling, " Arthur, the pressure's gone…but there's nothing we can do about the bleeding. The veins have to heal on their own it will take time."

"But, then he'll get better..he is going to get better isn't he Merlin?"

" I…I don't know. "

Arthur felt his energy leave him, a numbness spread over him. He leaned forward.

"Arthur, I'm so …"

Arthur held up his hand, shaking his head. " Is he in pain?"

" We don't think so…he's ..unconscious."

Arthur felt himself nod, " Can I see him?"

"Not yet, Gaius will come to you when you can."

Arthur met Merlin's eyes, " If..if things don't change. How long will I have?"

" Gaius says the king will not last out the night."

Arthur turned away again. " Do what you can…please."

"Always."

Arthur heard the door creak closed and he sagged to his knees his face in his hands.

His knees had barely touched the ground when he felt arms wrap around him from behind. Woman's arms, tender yet strong and he recognized the smell of honeysuckle .

"Gwen…." Arthur went to rise, but the arms pulled him close instead and before he knew it his head was resting in the hollow of Gwen's throat. Even at his darkest hour he could appreciate how wonderful it felt, how right to be there. Never the less he protested. " Gwen, we shouldn't…"

"Hush, who makes these rules? A woman can't comfort someone she cares about…someone she…"

There was a pause and Arthur felt himself lean into the hollow of Gwen's neck. " I know you want to help me Gwen, but if anyone ever saw…"

Gwenivere stood and he stood with her, her voice was hoarse. " I hate this Arthur…I hate that I can't be what I want to be to you. We're in love…but were not…and yet we are again? I can't live like that, but I suppose I must if I love you. " A deep pause, " There I said it. The world didn't end did it? I love you Arthur and if you love me too you can't keep pushing me away…let me help you. "

Arthur took her hands, he could feel the tears rising in his eyes. " Gwen, it isn't you…"

"I know, it's them…it has to be secret…"

"No…I don't mean that, to hell with that…it's just…" he paused trying to swallow the tears rising in his throat, " Gwen, I can't let myself be comforted right now, I can't risk seeming weak …especially with my father…" he paused, Gwenivere moved close and kissed his forehead gently and passionately. Arthur shuddered his voice a shaky rasp. "Gwen, please….don't make me feel."

He felt the warmth of her tears as they fell on his brow mingling with his own. " That's my job Arthur, you gave me your heart…I have to protect it."

Arthur leaned forward until he was resting under the satin hollow of her neck again and then with no regard to propriety or appearances he clasped his arms around her and wept like a child. Gwenivere drew him close whispering to him. " It will be all right Arthur."

"Oh Gwen," he thought to himself, " Oh my love, I wish I could believe that."


	3. Father and son

" **You miss her."**

" **I hated her too much to miss her"**

"**That's what you say."**

"**What do you know about it? About her? She may have been a witch..but she was MY witch!"**

**-Gregory Maguire ( Wicked)**

Arthur stood his hand on the door to his father's chambers. The king had been carried there before he had a chance to see him, it angered him. He had let Gaius know it too in a very unfair way, he would apologize later. It wasn't Gaius' fault he had been such a fool. Despite all his insistence, now when it came down to it, he couldn't bring himself to open the door. It wasn't so much what he would find on the other side, but what he would let out when he opened the door. Reality.

Finally he closed his hands on the latch and pushed the door open. As he stepped in his eyes fell on the canopied bed that occupied the far end of the room. On the bed lay his father, as he walked closer Arthur could see his head was a mass of bandages, one side bloodied. The king lay flat his arms resting on the coverlet, already his face had grown paler and his head tossed restlessly on the pillow where Gaius stood endeavoring to keep it still.

Arthur opened his mouth and closed it again. Then running his tongue over his lips he spoke.

"How is he?"

Gaius turned grim eyes on him, " He is holding his own, sire. Your father is a strong man. But I fear his body is weakening in spite of him."

Arthur closed his eyes, gathering himself before he spoke again.

"Merlin said if things don't improve soon, he will not outlast the night. Is this true Gaius?"

" Merlin, should learn to temper his tongue. But yes, my lord I'm afraid that is the case."

Arthur breathed deeply. " Can nothing more be done?"

"No, sire."

" Gaius…I ask again…have you done EVERY THING in your power to help my father."

Gaius looked at him in surprise. "I have done everything medically possible.."

Arthur took a deep breath, Gaius wasn't the only one that had been keeping secrets.

"Gaius, I know. I know you were a Druid once. I know you use magic…I over heard you and father talking when I was younger I…I never thought much of it until today."

Gaius looked even more somber if it was possible. " What are you asking me, Arthur?"

" You know what I'm asking…telling you to do."

Gaius closed his eyes. " I cannot my lord."

"You can, I give you permission."

Gaius breathed deeply, " I will not my lord."

Arthur felt anger prick at him. " You will not? Why in god's name not?"

Gaius's tone was sad and wise. " Magic comes with a price Arthur and it may be one we aren't willing to pay…remember your mother."

Arthur bowed his head. " Is it not better to prevent one tragedy that is certain to occur then avoid one that may not? Gaius, the king is dying…my father is dying I will risk anything for him."

" It may not be yourself that you are risking."

Arthur closed his eyes, he knew Gaius was right. He felt his strength leave him and dropped wordlessly into a chair.

"I am so very sorry, sire."

Arthur stared at his father with eyes that saw nothing. " Leave us…"

"My lord, I do not think."

"Leave us!"

Gaius with drew quietly and Arthur was left alone with his father at last.

For a moment all was silent, Arthur could clearly hear the crackle of the fire in the hearth. His father's labored breathing sounded near him, every gasp making him want to breathe for him. Somewhere deep in the chamber walls a rat scurried with a sound like racing heart.

Arthur swallowed, drawing his tongue over his lips as he gathered the words together that would convey the tangled emotions within him. Finally he spoke.

"Father, It's Arthur. Can you hear me?"

Arthur waited breathlessly for a moment, then sighed nodding his head. He hadn't really thought his father would wake simply because it was him. But he had a right to try.

" Father, I know you and if I know one thing about you it's that you hate not knowing what's going on. So, I know some part of you must be awake, listening, somehow." He paused, then gave a stifled chuckle, " You must be mad as a stuck boar too." Arthur wiped his eyes, taking a deep breath he continued. " Father, I'm so sorry…I don't know if you can ever forgive me for the things I said..I don't even know if I deserve to be forgiven. But, I need you to know …what I said before…before you became ill…about not being able to forgive you. It wasn't like it sounded…It's true I can't forgive the things you've done to others. They're not my wrongs to forgive. But, as to anything between us…" he paused blinking, struggling with the emotions that threatened to stifle him, " Father, I know were different you and I, we fight…God knows we do. But, I see now that being different is only half the reason, the other is that we're so much the same."

Arthur paused again, it seemed to him his father seemed calmer somehow as though he were listening. Arthur hoped he wasn't just seeing what he wanted to see. " We are the same …I see that now, in so many ways. My strength, my bravery, My stubbornness." He chuckled, " It all comes from you father and I'm only just now realizing it. I've lived a life time with you and…I've only just started to know you." Arthur let his head rest on his open palms for a moment. Then he reached out and took his father's limp hand in his.

" So, you see, you can't die, father. You can't because I still have so much to learn from you. About myself, about you, about being king...I'm not ready to become king yet . I know I tell you I am, but I'm not. I still have so much to learn, so much. Merlin's always going on about what a great King I'm going to be..but he never says I'd make a good one now. I need you for that."

Arthur felt the tears streaming down his face and when he spoke again his voice was hoarse with emotion, " I need you to get better, father. You're not finished here, don't you understand? I don't want …I cannot lose you . I love you too much."

Arthur kissed his father's hand and laying it on the coverlet, put his face in his hands and wept silently.

"Arthur?"

Merlin's voice came from the direction of the door way.

"Don't you ever knock?"

" Sorry. Gaius sent me, he said to tell you you shouldn't stay long. So you don't tire your father."

Arthur lifted his head and snapped it around to face Merlin. He felt his eyes flash, his lips curl.

"Well you tell Gaius I'm not going anywhere."

"Arthur, it could be dangerous…"

Arthur bowed his head to hide the tears that threatened. " I'm not leaving Merlin."

"Arthur.."

Arthur could feel his self control waning. " Merlin…please…don't make me do something terrible to you."

Merlin nodded, " Yes, my lord." But as he turned Arthur called him back.

" I know what you think of him. What a lot of people think of him. But he's my father. I can't leave him like this."

Merlin gave a small smile. " I understand, sire."

"Stop with the "Sire" and " My lord" won't you? I'm speaking as a friend."

" Sorry, Arthur. Look, I never knew my father, but I see how you are with yours. I know how much you love him."

Arthur sighed, " A lot of people think Camelot would be better off if it had another king."

Merlin was silent, a rabbit avoiding a snare. Arthur spoke clearly. " Is that what you think Merlin?"

" Arthur,now's not the time…"

"Just…tell me."

Merlin frowned, then taking a deep breath said. " If you're asking if I want him dead. The honest answer is no."

Arthur looked surprised. " You want him to get well then? In spite of…everything."

Merlin nodded. " He tries to be a good king, he does what he think is right."

"Even when he knows it's wrong."

"Yes. Wait! I mean no…Arthur, Uther has more secrets then any man I know. How do I know his character?"

"Then why on earth do you want him around?"

Merlin smiled, " He's your father…you love him. That's reason enough."

Arthur stared at him, in the silence it was apparent all was understood.

"You're a good friend Merlin. "

" Maybe you can make me a knight?"

Arthur frowned, " Idiot." Then a fond smile. " Get out of here."

" I'm not so sure you should be alone…are you sure I shouldn't stay?"

Arthur picked up a nearby goblet and raised it half heartedly. It was apparent to Merlin he was not toasting his health. He scurried out the door so fast he was nothing but a brown blur. Arthur replaced the Goblet, which he had had no intention of throwing and smiled shaking his head.

"Who am I kidding?" he thought, " He's not going any where."


	4. Waiting

As Arthur suspected, after an hour or so passed in silence, Merlin appeared a tray of food in his hands. He lingered in the door way as though he feared to come too close. He was probably remembering the goblet and wondering what else Arthur might throw at him.

Arthur sighed. " Merlin, you're inexorable." Merlin ventured to come closer, laying the food on a nearby table.

"I thought you might be hungry."

" You're joking?"

"Well, you still have to eat, right?"

Arthur looked at him, desperately trying not to smile.

" Merlin…listen carefully…I want to be alone, with my father."

Merlin nodded. " I'll just leave it here then. In case you change your mind."

Arthur nodded distractedly. " Thank you, Merlin."

"Yes, Sire."

After Merlin left, Arthur stood and stretching his stiff limbs turned to the window. He blinked his eyes in disbelief. There gathered in the court yard were a growing crowd of people holding candles, their eager eyes turned toward the castle. _They're saying good bye all ready._ Thought Arthur a strange mixture of gratitude and anger filling him. _Can they not at least wait until all hope is lost? Or is it.. _ Arthur turned away from the window and back to his father.

The king lay in a restless sleep. His head tossed on the pillow and a cold sweat covered his face. The bandage on his head was spotted with dried blood. The king muttered in his sleep and Arthur went to him. Gently, Arthur dipped a cloth into the basin of water by the bed and wiped the sweat from his father's face and brow. He rested his hand on the king's forehead and closed his eyes, then he spoke.

"Rest Father, I'm here." He took another deep breath, " We're all here. We'll take care of you."

There was no response from Uther, but he lay still and seemed to sleep more peacefully. Arthur nodded his head and returned to his seat by the bed. In the time that followed all the emotion and stress of the evenings events seemed to settle upon him and soon sleep was upon him.

_The stone chamber seemed emmense to him as he surveyed it. He recognized the hanging flags and large table where his father conducted affairs of state. But everything seemed out of proportion, it didn't take him long to realize it was not the setting that had grown bigger, but that he was smaller. He was a boy again, no more than five at most and he was standing before his father, even in dream it was clear to him that he had done something to displease him._

" _What is this?" his father's voice was both firm and amused. This was not the first or the last time his son had gotten into trouble. " Arthur…what have you done now?"_

_The disapproving voice of his tutor spoke somewhere off to the side. " Sire, he's been fighting again."_

_Arthur could see his father trying to look disapproving, but never the less the obvious laughter showed in his eyes._

"_Arthur…must we speak of this again? If you wish to be a knight, you must act like one. You must hold your temper."_

_Arthur felt shame fill him, but also indignation. " It wasn't my fault! If you'd heard what they said!"_

"_Who are they?" His father seemed weary and eager to be done with matters. Arthur pursed his lips._

"_The other squires…they thought I wasn't listening…but I was! They said things…about you and about…about Mother. "_

_Uther's smile faded, his head came up. " Leave us." He said to the others and they were left alone. Arthur could feel the hot tears of anger in his eyes._

"_Arthur, come here."_

_Slowly Arthur, looking through the eyes of his younger self approached the throne. His father motioned for him to climb up on the throne beside him. Arthur did as he was told and his father turned to him seriously._

" _Who said these things?"_

" _Cai, Percy and Leon."_

" _I see…I'll have to speak to their lords about that. What did they say that was so terrible?"_

_Arthur felt a sudden reluctance fill him. " I don't want to say."_

"_Tell me, I shan't be hurt."_

" _They said you aren't the real king. That Morganna isn't my real sister…that you killed the real king."_

_Arthur saw his father's eyes grow deep and sorrowful. But his voice was calm. " Did they now…those are fierce words…I don't blame you for what you did."_

"_It isn't true…is it father?"_

" _It is true that Morganna is not your sister by blood…she was King Gorlois's daughter. But I didn't kill him, he died in battle for this kingdom. I came here to protect your mother and Morganna."_

" _Are you the real king then?"_

_Uther chuckled, " Of course! How could the people follow me if I were not? Pay no attention to the words of fools Arthur, they're useless."_

" _Father….may I ask another question?"_

" _Of course."_

" _How did mother die?"_

_Arthur remembered the last part clearly, even awake he had often recalled it. In the silence after the question Uther dropped his scepter. Arthur felt the same thrill of fear._

"_Father, are you allright?"_

_The king had nodded then, seeming to gather himself. " Your mother died when your lungs had barely begun to cry. She was delicate and it was all too much for her…I…I can't explain. When your older Arthur, you will understand."_

_Arthur felt the heaviness on his young heart. " I understand….you didn't kill mother. I did."_

" _Arthur, listen to me…never say that again. You were not to blame."_

_He felt his father ruff his hair again. " Now go find those other squires and tell them the king says if he catches them being disrespectful again he'll have them switched."_

"_Yes, father."_

_Arthur jumped down from the throne and hurried toward the door. But he heard his father's voice behind him._

"_Arthur!"_

_He turned his father's eyes had that soft,sad look he so seldom saw any more. The king seemed to be struggling with his words. " I…that is, you are…" finally the king closed his eyes and spoke. " You're a fine boy Arthur."_

_Arthur felt his heart swell with pride his lips formed a smile and he turned to go. _

"Arthur?"

A gentle shake brought Arthur back to his senses. Shaking himself, he found Gwenivere beside him holding fresh bandages. He sighed slightly, stretching. " I must have dozed off. " his eyes flickered to his father, there was no change. Gwen layed the bandages next to the tray of food Merlin had brought. Then still not turning her voice casual she spoke.

" Arthur, is there a reason Merlin is asleep outside the door?"

"Blast it!"

Gwenivere stifled a laugh, " Leave him, Arthur. He's worried for you." She moved closer to him, her voice deeper with emotion, " We all are."

" I'm not the one to worry about. I'm fine. Where is Gaius?"

Gwenivere turned back to the bandages, " One of the knights fell off his horse…it couldn't be helped."

Arthur gritted his teeth. " Of course…life does go on." Arthur turned to the window again, just as Gwen drew the curtains.

"Don't look at that. It won't do anyone any good."

Arthur sighed, " It's too late, I know they're there now. I can feel their eyes..waiting."

" They don't know anything."

"Neither do we. Gwen, I swear I'm going to lose my mind…I keep going over things in my head. What did I do? We've fought a hundred times before and…" Arthur trailed off, " But this time was different wasn't it? I MEANT what I said…every terrible word. I don't now of course, but it's too late for that."

Gwenivere layed a hand on his shoulder, " Don't torture yourself, Arthur. This isn't your fault, it would have happened anyway."

"How can you be so sure of everything? How do you know it wasn't our fight that pushed him over the limit?"

Gwenivere's tone was kind as she gently kneaded his shoulder. " I don't. But I know it won't change anything wondering."

Arthur bowed his head wearily. Gwenivere gave him a fond shove. " Let me watch for a while, you need your rest."

" Not you too."

" You won't do any good to anyone if you're worn out. Go, rest, I promise to send for you if there's any change."

Arthur yawned and ran a hand over his face, reluctantly he rose his eyes drifting to his father. He stepped closer, taking his hand. " I'll be back soon, father..Gwen will take care of you." Then slowly woodenly he turned, but he paused by Gwen.

" If anything at all changes.."

Gwenivere hushed him, " Have I ever let you down before? "

Arthur nodded absently and walked toward the door. Gwen called after him.

"You know I love you?" she asked her eyes earnest. Arthur smiled wanly , " It is the only thing I know sometimes." With that he turned and left his father's chambers.

After nearly tripping over Merlin, Arthur had no choice but to let him follow him to his chambers. Good old loyal Merlin, couldn't he be a bit less loyal tonight? As they entered the chamber, Arthur put things bluntly.

"Go,Merlin."

Merlin looked at him, Arthur could see him wrestling with himself, he turned to go and just as quickly turned back.

"You'll be all right won't you?"

"I am more than capable of taking care of myself, Merlin. Thank you."

" I know…it's just."

Arthur walked to the window and turned his back on Merlin. " I thought I told you to go."

Arthur could hear Merlin making his slow progress toward the door. The sound of the poker in the fire place. The grating sound of bed curtains being drawn. When the pillow fluffing began Arthur spoke again.

"MERLIN!" but suddenly a wave of gratitude stole over him, how many people would take his abuse and still care about him so much. It was something he should be greatful for, it was something he would miss if it were gone. He took a deep breath, " I'm sorry, I…appreciate your concern…but I want to be alone."

" I know. I'm sorry. It's just…I can't help feeling like I should be here. Like..like you might need me…need a friend." Merlin waited abashedly as though expecting a rebuke. Arthur felt his defenses falling and he closed his eyes to prevent his emotions coming to the surface.

"Not now Merlin."

Merlin nodded. " As you wish, sire." Arthur heard the door knob turn and suddenly a strange panic seized him. It was as though once Merlin left he would never return, it was horrifyingly real. Real enough to send Arthur a step forward before he caught himself.

"Merlin!"

Merlin turned, furrowing his brow at him his hand still on the door knob. " What did I do now? Is the door knob just polished?"

Arthur ran a hand over his face, "I am going mad. Merlin…stay…please?"

Merlin smiled, " Took you long enough."

" I hate this…this helplessness. I ..I feel like I'm dying too."

Merlin stood awkwardly, his hand slowly sliding from the door knob. " I wish I had some advice for you. I wish I could take all of this off your shoulders, somehow. " he paused, " But I suppose that just sounds sentimental."

Arthur turned back to the window. " No, Merlin….any other night I'd have told you it was…but not tonight. Tonight, I'll tell you the truth. It's a damn noble thing to say."

Merlin was silent for a few moments. "He's holding his own, maybe…maybe he'll be all right after all."

" We can only, pray."

"You should rest, I think that's best."

"Now you're telling me what's best for me?"

Merlin shook his head, " Who said anything about you? It's best for me! Gwen will kill me if I keep you up."

Arthur shook his head with a smile. " Thank you, Merlin. You can go now."

Merlin nodded and left taking the candle with him. It seemed to Arthur light and warmth followed him, in the dim fire light he lay on his bed and let the images that filled his mind play before his eyes like images on a child's mobile. The King is dying. Long live the King….The father is dying…God help the son.

He closed his eyes against the images and with the warmth of his first tears running down his cheeks he fell into a restless sleep.

The moon light shone through the chamber windows. At her dressing table the lady stood humming softly, turning a small object over and over again in her fingers. The light from the fire made her long, dark locks flare with light. She smiled as her hand drifted to the open book before her, holding the ring close to her lips she whispered to it in a language few in Camelot dared to speak. The language of the druids, the language of magic. The ring shimmered with light then returned to its original form.

With porcelain fingers, the lady lifted a withered rose from her table. Placing the ring on her finger she touched the bloom and immediately it became fresh and full. She then turned to a second blossom beside her, this one full and beautiful. At her touch, it withered until it was just as dry as it's cousin had been. The Lady drew up the corners of the blood red bow of her mouth and spoke to her own reflection in the glass. " Sister." The glass shimmered and in place of the woman's reflection an older, darker face showed. The mirror woman's hair was blond instead of black and her eyes a grey blue, she smiled. " Well done, Sister. Are you ready to complete our plan?" "Yes," The lady's voice was breathless, " I've wasted too much time already. I will give the ring to Arthur tonight." The mirror woman raised her hand, " Careful, Sister. Great haste brings great loss. You must move carefully."

"But, they say the king will not last the night….if he dies Arthur becomes king."

" Then it must be done tonight. But be cautious…that serving boy will be a problem."

"Merlin?" Morganna sneered, "Even he cannot see all ends. Besides, Arthur has his haste against him."

"Then go Sister."

The Lady nodded and turned away but the mirror woman called to her once again. " Morganna?"

The Lady turned and the eyes of the mirror woman seemed to burn into her soul. " Be careful, you do this for us both."

The Lady put her hand to the glass as the mirror woman raised her own to meet it. "Yes." She said, " Yes, Morgause."


End file.
